This is the book I wish I had growing up, and it holds so much meaning for me because for most of my life, I have always wanted to be and create a safe space for others. Writing this book was a chance for me to heal younger Alyssa and share my story and more importantly, my family’s. The experience of putting pen to paper (or rather fingers to keyboard) was emotional, moving, triggering, traumatic and touching all at once. I don’t wish or consider myself to be a voice for all, but for those who can connect with, and relate to, what I have to say and share, I wanted to write something that they could find themselves in. I wanted to be a sense of representation I didn’t have growing up but so desperately needed to see. I wanted another Asian person’s story to exist out in the world. I wanted to share my learnings and the perspectives that blossomed from the challenges and struggles I faced to hopefully inspire those who have experienced and encountered racism, who wish to be more vocal about issues close to their heart and who want to be there for POC when we need them most.

This book truly is for everyone. It’s for Asians and POC who may see themselves in the stories and experiences I open up about. It’s for those who have experienced racial discrimination, stereotyping, racial microaggressions and casual racism and have had their pain dismissed and downplayed for most of their lives. It’s for advocates and activists who need to hear encouraging words to help them persevere with the important work they devote themselves to. It’s for those who want to strengthen their connection to their culture. It’s for those who want to use their voice to speak about and against racism or a matter they deeply care about. It’s for those who want to understand how they can support POC in the face of injustice, hatred and discrimination. It’s for those who want to read a book that is part storytelling and wonderfully personal while also leaving the readers with hope and practical advice on their next steps.

I think so. Racism and struggling to find where one fits in the world and with their cultural identity, is something that needs to be spoken about a lot more, especially at a young age where you’re seeking acceptance and approval (internally and externally) and trying to make sense of where it is you belong and who you are. I have rich memories of my culture and traditions as a young girl. As I entered primary school and then high school, I felt like not being able to recognise that the things I endured were tied to racism, not having people in my social circle who looked like me or understood me and who I tried too desperately to impress and be validated by, being shamed merely for being Asian, existing as the butt of many jokes, having people make fun of my Vietnamese name and more, it all led me to distance myself from my Asianness. The book ends with me writing a letter to my younger self. This is the book I needed in those younger years where I ran away from accepting myself and embracing my Vietamese heritage.

Truth be told, I know that the things I talk about aren’t always everyone’s cup of tea. However, I hope that even if people don’t agree with everything I write about or even if there are moments where I say things that may make them uncomfortable, all I ask is that they approach the book and things they’re inclined to resist with an open heart and mind. I ask them to challenge themselves to work through the discomfort and sit with that feeling. I ask them to give themselves the chance to learn from and listen to someone who has a different lived experience to them. I ask them to question any feelings of anger or defensiveness that may arise and try to unpack why they feel as strongly as they do. I’ve been positioned as the “enemy” or “too woke” for addressing racism and race but I’ve learned that these conversations are meant to make us uncomfortable, it’s meant to be challenging, it’s meant to make us feel something because it’s calling on us to fight against our unconscious bias and the things we mask as jokes or harmless or the things we may have always accepted and left unquestioned simply because it’s just the way things have always been. I am by no means perfect and I don’t claim to be. I am still learning things myself, especially about communities I am not a part of. That’s what it’s all about in my eyes — channelling empathy, understanding and compassion. Listening to why people are in pain and not questioning the way they communicate it. I don’t want everyone to endorse every view and value of mine. I don’t want to exist in an echo chamber where the way I think is forever left unchallenged and I’m not exposed to differing perspectives. I just ask of people to give this book a chance and hopefully take one thing away from it.

It’s very important for me to make it clear, and I also talk about it in the book, that I do not speak on behalf of all Asians. I am just one person from the community. Asians are exceptionally diverse, we are not a monolith. We all have different stories, life experiences, lenses in which we view the world as well as varying views and values. I am simply sharing my story and the things I’ve been through and if there are people who it resonates with, then that’s certainly quite special. When I share my truth and what I believe in, I am not trying to take anything away from anyone who may not share the same sentiments. However, I ask people to be mindful of weaponising their Asianness when myself and other Asians speak about something that impacts or upsets us. This can often sound like, “I’m Asian and I’m not offended by this” or “I’m Asian and you’re all being too soft and sensitive.” By doing that, you are invalidating our emotions and experiences. I do not claim to be a spokesperson for all Asians, but for those who share in what I have to talk about, you are safe here and I will always believe that connection and community will prevail.

For those who experience racism, I want them to be able to feel seen, heard and validated. I want them to embrace their culture, share their stories and find a sense of belonging. I want Asian readers to take pride in being Asian and find healing in every experience that made them feel shame for where they come from and every emotion that made them feel less than simply for existing. I want people to understand that any resistance we’re met with for trying to dismantle racism and to live authentically is to not to inspire our defeat, rather it should only encourage us to keep advocating, to keep taking up space. I want people to recognise the ways racism can manifest and to understand the realities and challenges POC face when they speak up against it. I also want us to understand that action needs to be taken and that we all have a part to play and all of our voices are important and needed.